Realizing I lost it all........

I realized tonight that I have lost yet another person that was important to me at one point in my life...but now is forever gone. I have had a couple men come in and out of my life and I tend to get attached really easily and put my trust in people really fast. My first "true love" was David and he left me devestated and absolutly heart broken. It has been a year and I am not completely healed.
My first semester of freshman year I dated a kid named Nick who ever since has been in and out of my life. But just tonight I was told by his friend that I am no longer allowed to communicate with Nick because I have now become just a bother to him. A statement that cuts deeper than you could possibly think. I have now lost someone else.
Between my summer after senior year and through till now I have had another Nick in my life as well and I found out this past weekend that I have to let him go more so than I am willing to because he has a familly now and his family does not like me as much as he does so I have to let go of three of the more important men in my life. Three of the men who changed me. I don't know if any of you have any idea how hard that is but the next week or so is going to be amazingly hard to get through because I am going to have to play happy while inside I am silently ripping apart.
Please don't ask me if I am ok, I just need to silently cry, not loudly bawl. Just let my heart break and my memories fade.

Love? Or just a fuzzy feeling...

So I went back home this past weekend for a baby shower for one of my best friends and ended up hanging out with a man that had something to say to me that I would never have expected. This guy was a friend in the past and then we lost contact. When I saw him this weekend he told me that the whole time we had hung out before, he had been in love with me...the only response I had was... Are you sure it was not just some crazy fuzzy feeling in your stomach?
Then I talked on the phone to a friend that is very much a part of my life still and just so happens to be moving to wyoming in the next week. He informed me that since we started hanging out he has been in love with me. Yet again... Love or some crazy fuzzy feeling?
It feels amazing to have someone, or more than one person to tell you that they love you but it sucks that it has to be this way. And that I don't believe them.
Oh well, I guess I have to just take the love that I have and give back whatever I can.
Love everyone...

Life...and the effect

It is amazing how much the effect the life of an unborn child or children can have on an entire family.
I had a really scary moment today while I was at work... I had a message from my mom and then could not get a hold of her, I tried to call my pregnent sister, to find out what was wrong because the first thing that I thought of was that something was wrong with my sister, my cousin, or one of their babies... I panicked.
When I finally got ahold of her I found out that one of our cats had died and, as figured, I lost it. I am so sad to hear that I have lost one of my most trusted friends that I have grown up around. The ying of the ying yang kitties. very sad day for us. But I am so glad that I was not losing a member of my family...born or unborn.
I was so scared... It is very hard to be so far away from your family all the time, especially through these things.
Hang on to those people you love... don't ever let them go

Women....hmmmm

So I have this strange obsession with energy drinks. Not because they boost me but just because they taste good. So I have been hooked on just one particular one for a while but recently I decided to branch out and try some other kinds. While the latest one I got was one called TAB...Energy for Women. Might I add it is in a pink can...rather inticing. So this morning I opened the can and took a drink, only to find one of the most foul flavors ever. so overwhelmingly fruity that it was like a bad childs vitamin. How am I supposed to drink this? And why must they make a specific woman's drink so horrible tasting? I was appalled. I must say from now on I will be sticking to the unisex energy drinks because they are much more friendly to the taste buds.
As for Coca Cola...I am highly dissapointed with their latest conconction. Come on isn't production supposed to be getting better...not worse?

Ok so call me crazy but I think that July just might be the best month ever this year. Sure it is going to have it's bad days and what not but... On the fourteenth I am going with some friends to a car race in Denver and spending the entire day just listening to the loudness and smelling the smells and getting purnt to a crisp. Ah the adrenaline. I can not wait. Then later in the month I am going to spend a weekend with my Dad and Stepmom. I am so excited.
To start the month off as well I get to see Nick and his beautiful baby boy. I am so happy for him and Adina. I am so proud that he has come so far and changed so much. And he has done it all so that he can support his lovely family...what a guy.
Life just might be heading uphill again...

Emminy Woot

Emminy Woot
yes indeed this is how I feel...please don't ask for details...
You've got your ball
You've got your chain
Tied to me tight tie me up again
Who's got their claws in you my friend
Into your heart
I'll beat again
Sweet like candy to my soul
Sweet you rock and sweet you roll
Lost for you
I'm so lost for you
You come crash into me
And I come into you,
I come into you
In a boys dream In a boys dream
Touch your lips just so I know
In your eyes, love, it glows so
I'm bare-boned and crazy for you
When you come crash into me, baby
And I come into you
In a boys dream In a boys dream
If I've gone overboard
Then I'm begging you to forgive me
In my haste
When I'm holding you so girl... close to me
Oh and you come crash into me, baby
And I come into you
Hike up your skirt a little more and show the world to me
Hike up your skirt a little more and show your world to me
In a boys dream... In a boys dream
Oh I watch you there through the window
And I stare at you
You wear nothing but you wear it so well
Tied up and twisted, the way I'd like to be
For you, for me, come crash
Into me

Ok so I really wanted to post something last night, but the website was shut down for maintenence. Isn't that just the typical story of life. When you really need something or someone, there is an issue with something ...maintenence of life or something.
I am not sure if anyone else feels that way. The loss of communication in the age of technology. We live in such a huge technical era but there is NO communication between anyone anymore. How sad is that. I hate it, I realized the other day I say things better when I type them or write them, rather then say them, that is until I actually HAD to say them to someone. Man it feels really good to let it out like that. To let someone know that they have made you feel crappy. It really makes a difference.


We got our new roommate last night. I am so excited. She is super cool and super sweet. I can not wait for her to move in. Unlike the other ones we interviewed she is "normal". Well as normal as my friends and family are...which is not normal. It is weird. REALLY WEIRD. but it is ok because we are all good at what we do ;)

Hampster Dancing

So I was watching this movie the other day and some little kids were dancing to the Hampster Dance song. It brought back so many memories of being a little kid and watching the little hampsters dance to their song. Such a great song. So I went into my collection and dug that song back out.
It is amazing how songs can set the mood of your day. I tell you what...start your day with a quick dance to Hampster dance instead of a cup of coffee...
AMAZING!

Emminy Woot

Emminy Woot
http://www.cheveuxfille.blogspot.com/
thanks to this wonderful person in my life, i have a blog

find me on a better day...or week

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you

Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
And no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
To be like me...

To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside your bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
To be like me...

To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be ok
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work
It was always there
You don't know what it's like
What it's like

To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like

To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

so confused...

ok, here is the deal. people suck

I just got totally screwed over by someone I thought was a friend and a confidant. I hate that. I don't really know what to do right now.

Oh well, I have the other people that care about me...and my family. They mean the world to me.
I just found out my sister is pregnent. I can not wait to be an Aunt. I wish that January would come sooner.

This blog thing could get addicting too...thanks Anna